I Pray The Lord My Soul To Take
by Lautari
Summary: Jim wakes after a coma.  Continuation of "If I Die Before I Wake."  ONE-SHOT
1. Chapter 1

_I wanted to thank those who reviewed my last story and give this little continuation as a thank you and Merry Christmas. Enjoy!_

Opening his eyes was the hardest part. Coming back to consciousness, becoming aware of his surroundings had been easy. He didn't know how long it took, but it was like ascending to the surface of murky water after a deep dive. Muffled whispers became sharpened words…

"_Doctor, there's increased brain activity…" _

Chapel. He'd know that voice anywhere. It was soft and husky and he had once teased her that if her Starfleet career didn't work out he'd help her get a phone sex operation off the ground.

"_We need to monitor him more closely…"_

He knew who it was before the voice spoke and calloused fingers encircled his forearm. Bones always smelled like liquor, aftershave and…._dirt…earth…_He smelled like home. You could take the boy out of the South but you couldn't take the South out of the boy.

"_He might be coming back….." _

"_I'm here!"_ he wanted to shout. _"I'm right here, damn it!"_

"_Jim you've got to wake up…going home….leaving you behind…"_

Forbidden lips touched his. He knew they were forbidden because the vanilla scent that came with them was the same vanilla scent that used to tickle his senses when her long ponytail would sweep across his cheek as she marched past….or when he would bend over the Communications panel trying to listen her while fighting the urge to bury his face in her neck…

_If I wake will you keep kissing me? _

He knew the answer. He knew when he woke she would once again be forbidden, as untouchable as she was the night at that bar in Riverside. But even the promise of more phantom kisses could not keep him in this dream wasteland. Because he could live without her…..but he could not live without the Enterprise. His life without it had proven to be nothing more than a long string of criminal charges. Space and its frontiers had come to define him.

But his eyes were like concrete shields separating him from the world and the voices slipped away again leaving him with only the thrum of the ship to keep him company. He had learned every nuance, every thrum, and every _heartbeat _when he had first become Captain and the noises that had once lulled him to sleep in his own quarters had become what lulled him back from the recesses of his subconscious.

The heartbeat had kept his own from flatlining while Bones had struggled to mend him. Later, the noises had gradually given the shadows in his dreams their actual faces from his memories to buoy him…clanking echoed throughout the ship, letting him know that damn Scotsman engineer of his was tinkering again….gentle thrums meant Sulu was at the helm dropping the ship into warp…..and the soothing harmony of it let him know Spock was running things while he was gone.

The smell of home returned and Bone's hands were on his face. _"C'mon Jim," he said gruffly. "This is something you have to do on your own." _His thumbs lifted Jim's lids and shined a penlight in his eyes. _"That's it. Wake up, damn it. You've been doing it for a week now. Just a little more."_

_Just don't stop talking to me, Bones. I'm trying._

00000

He was alone when it happened. He had been managing small movements with his hands, just a twitch every once and awhile, but coming back into consciousness was sudden, like a vacuum. His dampened and muffled senses were suddenly and completely gone, only to explode into clarity like he was finally breaking the surface of the murky water. He gasped once and intense pain from his broken body hit him in waves and he immediately wished himself unconscious again.

"_Bones!"_ he tried to scream.

But his mouth wouldn't move and his throat was parched. The alarms attached to his biobed and heart monitor did the talking for him though and nurses were immediately at his side soothing and shushing while they worked. His eyes still refused to open though he knew Bones wasn't among them.

_Where are you?_

Was this to be his life? Always alone in waking? He moaned in pain, his first audible noise in weeks, and slipped away again into sleep, actual sleep. It was the first time he was completely unaware and rested since his accident. The second time he woke Bones was at his side shaking him. "Jim, damn it, wake up."

He moaned and twisted his face away from his best friend's prodding fingers. "You beat all, you know that?" Bones continued. "I sleep in my office for two weeks straight and the one time I actually leave and go to the mess you decide to rejoin the living."

The stinging prick of what he recognized as a hypo helped dissipate the haze leftover from his coma and he could slowly feel the heaviness lifting from his eyes. His eyelids fluttered open and Bone's face slowly came into focus.

"Jim." His best friend's eyes shone just a little. "No, stay with me," he coaxed. "Don't close your eyes again."

"Bones, he croaked. His throat burned. "Hurts."

"I know. But just stay with me right now."

00000

The ship was quiet when she slipped in. He knew it would be. Her black hair hung down her back in soft waves, in a way he wasn't sure even Spock had seen. He wanted to sit up to get a better look, but his ribs were still healing and Bones hadn't wanted him moving much yet.

Nyota looked warily into Bones' office before stepping too far into the room and jumped when he cleared his throat. His voice was still hoarse but didn't hurt much anymore. "I sent him to his quarters to get some sleep in a real bed."

She regained her composure and clenched her fists and stomped over to his bed. "Honestly, Kirk….." She crossed her arms and looked him over. "How do you feel?"

He grinned weakly. "Swell."

"Liar." She couldn't help but smile but it quickly faded and her brows knit together with an emotion he didn't recognize. "You had a lot of people worried."

"My apologies." He nodded to the doorway. "Where is your Vulcan shadow?"

The mention of Spock chilled the air between them. "The bridge," she said offhandedly. "You know he doesn't sleep much so he said it was only logical to be where he was needed until you were back."

_That explains how you were able to sneak down here to my bed instead of staying in his_.

Her fingers brushed back a stray hair that had fallen across his forehead. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. "Speaking of sleep, you should get some," she whispered. "It'll get you out of here quicker."

"Don't you want your Vulcan in charge a little longer?" he asked sleepily. Bones' sedative and her caresses were making him drowsy.

"The bridge _is_ running smoothly," she said wryly. "But I want my captain back. So sleep."

"I've slept enough for a lifetime," he murmured closing his eyes.

"What was it like?" she asked suddenly. "What do you remember?"

"Nothing," he lied. He relaxed against his pillows. "Go back to your bed."

"Will you be here tomorrow?" He could tell her lips were close to his because her vanilla breath was brushing against his cheek.

_Will you?_

"Mmmhm." His breathing started slowing but his heart still skipped a beat when he felt her lips brush his. Or did they? He wanted to grab her face and kiss her back hard, but he knew she would never allow it. This was the last time. So he pretended to sleep and savored the closeness of her body in way he hadn't been able to while floating in a coma and only opened his eyes again after she slipped away once again to wait for Spock.

And then he himself slipped away again with phantom kisses and the thrum of the ship to lull him.

_Reviews?_


	2. Author's Note

I just posted a small piece called "It Was The Whiskey Talking" with references to "If I Die Before I Wake" and "Pray The Lord My Soul To Take". Check it out and review!


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